~Arushi~

“Here's a glass of milk and don't lift your veil, it's your husband who'll be the first one to remove your veil”, some lady said while fixing my veil to cover my face. She was my age, maybe a year or two older and most probably daughter-in-law of one of the neighborhood aunties.

“Not only the veil, he's gonna remove a lot of things tonight. That's what nuptial nights are for, after all”, another one of them added. And my whole body shook with the growing terror.

Nuptial night

My husband

I'm married!

Yes, I am. I was the one who consented for this arranged alliance. But it wasn't like I had many options in the first place. The groom, Avyansh Malhotra, was a choice of my father, Dr Digvijay Shekhawat.

Dr Shekhawat, that's what I call him despite him being my father. Because calling him by any parental pronoun was practically a nightmare for me. The address ‘Papa’ was only for the media and to maintain his social image. But the walls of our house know what happens when I call him Papa without any audience.

For the sake of society, he always pretended that he loved me a lot and that was the only thing I had ever wished for in life. But life doesn't go your way, neither does this part. We were the loving father- daughter family for the world but in reality, he hated me from the moment my mind could remember.

We never had that father- daughter kinda relationship, it was more of a puppet and puppet-master kinda relationship. I was the puppet who breathed according to his command, moved according to his command and lived according to his command.

Marrying Avyansh was one of those commands that I had to follow without any questions. But I still dared to question, for the first time ever, it was about my whole life but what happened next… I don't wanna remember how he made me ready for this alliance.

It still hurts seeing all those bruises, it still hurts like hell to remember that my dad only used me as a business deal to step the ladder higher in financial status. Except for the fact that Avyansh was my father's choice and that he's the son of my hospital senior, I know nothing about him nor did Dr Shekhawat let me know anything.

And though Tanya ma'am, the owner of Malhotra Multispecialty Hospital, my senior and Avyansh’s mother, wanted us to meet for a few times and get to know each other better, Dr Shekhawat didn't allow me to do so. He was afraid that I'll do something stupid that'll make them break off the alliance which he couldn't let happen.

And just like that I was married off to this man who I guess was as clueless about me as I was about him, was my husband. We were bound into this sacred bond called marriage and I couldn't even feel anything for him past that growing horror.

Will he really do something against my consent? But how can he…? He… he seemed to be a nice guy, moreover he is the son of Tanya ma'am, he has her upbringing in him. He can never disrespect anyone or do something that'll hurt anyone.

But all these things they all are saying… about nuptial nights… is it really true that a nuptial night is just for serving that one purpose? Will he also believe this same thing? Will he claim his rights of being my husband… even if forcefully?

My trance broke with another of the ladies adding a comment, “Look at how her face is going all red? Looks like she's already shy and ready for her husband”

Shy and ready? This wasn't shyness! This was fear, fear of something unwanted happening to me on my wedding night. How can I be shy of the thought of intimacy that I don't want in the first place?!

My mind screamed the words my mouth couldn't but even if I do scream, there is no one to listen. The girl whose own father pawned her off to step up his societal status, who would listen to her anyway.

The ladies kept giggling and giving advice I didn't wanna hear, they were making me even more scared. But unknown to my turmoil, they kept going on with their chatter. It wasn't until the door of our room opened with a soft click that they had stopped.

I didn't bother to look up whoever it was at the door but the reaction from the ladies gave it away. They all giggled one last time and filed out of the room. The door shut behind them with the same soft click but it didn't sound soft to me anymore.

The acknowledgment of being alone in a room with him was enough to make my heartbeat race against each other. He stood at the doorway for a moment then I could sense him approaching towards me. And with each approaching step, my hands tightened its grip on my lehenga.

He came and sat across from me on the bed, still decked up in his groom's attire. He just sat there for a few moments and the building anticipation made me shiver. What's next? Will he take my no as a no? Or will he have his ways with me anyways?

I hadn't even lifted my eyes to look at him until he lifted his hand towards my veil. So that's it? That's how he'll just go ahead with whatever he wants to do without speaking a word? I flinched at my spot, fearing his touch on me.

I pinched my eyes closed, waiting for the inevitable to happen. But instead of his touch, I heard his voice. “You okay?”

I slowly opened my eyes to see him holding a glass of water at me. So he… he had moved his hand to get the glass, not… not my veil? I left out the breath I was holding back, knowingly or unknowingly, I didn't care to think. But that's when I actually saw him, the man I had married just an hour ago.

My husband

His jet black hair slightly messy from wearing the groom's turban, his chocolate brown eyes glowing under the dim lighting, the sharp features of his face that had the perfect balance of softness and strong-headedness that could make any one fall for him with a single look.

His appearance could get him any girl he wanted instead of someone like me who was pawned off rather than married off

“Are you okay, Arushi?”, he asked again, bringing me back to reality where he was still holding that glass of water for me. Right, water, I should- it should help. I lifted my hand to take the glass only to realize how badly my hands had been shaking this whole time.

Avyansh's eyes didn't miss the tremor as his other hand moved to my veil again. But then he stopped mid-air, before looking up at me. “May I?”, he asked, gesturing to the veil if he could remove it. And for a few moments, I was just mindlessly staring at him.

This was the man I was thinking would force himself on me while he was literally asking permission to lift my veil? But what if-

My head shook in acceptance before my mind could've processed through all the what ifs. But there was something in his eyes that was too genuine to fool anyone. And what could be the worst anyway? Something more than that I had already mentally accused him for.

He gave a small but genuine smile, not those creepy ones that make you uncomfortable instead a small curve so comforting that I had almost forgotten this whole nuptial night horror.

Keeping the glass aside, he removed the veil off my face before holding the glass back at me. My hands were still pretty shaky so he brought the glass to my lips, gesturing me to drink. I took a few sips then moved my head back as I was done.

He kept the glass back then stood up. I was still watching all his movements, though less cautiously now. He took the AC remote from the opposite nightstand and lowered the temperature of the room. Then he walked back and sat in his previous spot but I didn't move this time, just kept looking at him.

“Are you feeling fine now?”, he asked and I gathered myself enough to nod at him. “Tha… thank you…”, I somehow managed to mutter over my unsteady breathing that earned me another soft smile from him. “Nervous?”

I looked at him confused listening to this question but he raised his brows, asking the same question again. I firstly tried to deny it then again yes but then no, acting as unsure as I was feeling. He dropped his head down, hiding a silent chuckle from me.

But I saw it anyway and his smiles had this weird calming energy in them. He has been smiling every now and then and every time he does, things start to feel a little less complicated. Like it was feeling right now.

“It's okay, you can say if you're nervous I won't feel bad about it”, he asserted and I finally let out a mumble, “A little bit”

“Should I share a secret with you?”, Avyansh added almost immediately after, making me get confused and curious at the same time. “Wha......what?”, I asked back in a small voice and he genuinely replied, “Even I'm feeling a little nervous”

He might have felt that amusement written all over my face because he instantly started clarifying things. “I know how we both got married wasn't something you must be expecting, I can understand that. We barely know anything about each other so it's pretty normal to be nervous, right?”

I nodded, thankful that he understood that part. Maybe he wasn't a bad person since he understood my need for time. Maybe he'll give me a little time to process the whole thing and won't force anything physical on me just yet. And true to my thoughts, he did exactly that.

“Don't worry you don't need to be nervous, maybe the ladies teased you more than necessary that's why you're getting scared. But nothing like what they've said, is going to happen. You can get changed and sleep, anyway you must've got tired after all these rituals”, he assured and I couldn't be more thankful.

“Tha… thank you…”, I mumbled with a small but grateful smile which somehow seemed to relax him as well. Because he replied it back with a smile mirroring mine, “You're welcome”

“And you can get changed into the room. I don't think you'll be able to change this heavy bridal lehenga in the washroom so I'll get changed into the washroom. You can knock when you're done, okay?”, he asked, being all conscious about my comfort.

I slightly nodded and he gave a final smile before getting up to leave. He went to take his clothes while I was struggling to just get off the bed without showing much of my skin through this good-for-nothing blouse of mine. It barely covered anything and has been making me uncomfortable the whole time.

But then again I can't blame anyone since Dr Shekhawat has made special cuts into it. I don't wanna think about the reason for their provocative placements. I thought Avyansh had already gone to the washroom but then I heard him calling me again, “Arushi”

“Yes?”, I turned back, still juggling through my heavy and uncomfortable as hell clothes. “Umm...actually your luggage isn't set in the cupboard yet, I think it'll be tough for you to take out your clothes from the suitcase. Should I help with the bags?”, he asked, watching me clearly having a hard time with my dress.

I looked at my suitcases once then at my lehenga which definitely wasn't helping me. Not like with the weight but more with the revealing cuts of the dress and my still fresh bruises. It was impossible for me to pick those bags up or get my clothes out of them.

So I slowly nodded at Avyansh who was still waiting for my reply that he could help. He too nodded and got my bags on the bed opening them for me, “Here now you can get changed”

“Thank you”, I genuinely expressed my gratitude to him for his concern towards me. “You don't need to thank me for every single thing”, Avyansh said out of nowhere making me look at him, confused. “This was the third thank you of the night in the four sentences you've said till now”

“I'm… I'm sorry… I… I-”, I started fumbling with my words, not knowing what to say exactly. I didn't wanna offend him or do anything to make him mad after he was being genuinely considerate to me. But to my surprise, he let out a slow chuckle instead, “Hey, I was just pulling your leg, I didn't mean it in a serious way”

I stared at him for a moment then gave a small nod understanding what he actually meant. But then he added again, “But I meant it when I said not to thank me so much. I ain't doing anything major or out of the box. It was the bare minimum so there is no need to be so formal”

He smiled and went to get changed while I stood there, mindlessly staring at his retreating figure. I couldn't say anything to him when he called these things bare minimum, I had nothing to say. What do you tell a person who thinks being concerned and helpful about simple things are bare minimum that you never got that ‘bare minimum’ ever in your life.

He thought about me, was concerned about my comfort and ease like it was nothing special but how do I tell him that this is the first time someone has actually been concerned for me. How do I tell him that concern was a foreign luxury I could never afford. How do I tell him that the things he called bare minimum was everything I had begged for all my life.

My trance broke with a ping of my phone that a message was delivered. I took my phone to check the message and my whole body shook with horror as it was from Dr Shekhawat.

Keep him happy otherwise it won't be good for you

I stared at the phone for a while before glancing up at the washroom door. I didn't wanna think much about the stark contrast between Dr Shekhawat and Avyansh as it will only mess my mind even more. So I deleted the message and kept my phone back, moving to get changed.

I took out a soft cotton Salwar - kameez set, at least the fabric will go soft on my bruised skin. Before wearing back the clothes, I applied some cooling gel on the fresh bruises. I wanted to yelp and hiss every time the gel touched on my bruises but bit it back. Avyansh shouldn't know about this, at least not yet.

Then wearing the clothes and hiding all the bruising marks, I knocked on the washroom door as Avyansh had said. Then I moved in front of the mirror and started removing the thick layer of heavy makeup that was covering my face.

After removing the makeup, I freshened up and came out. Avyansh was already sitting at one side of the bed so I took the other side. As soon as I sat down, every muscle and cell of my body started screaming in pain and exhaustion. But I had no other option than gulping the screams down.

“Are you still nervous?”, Avyansh asked and his sudden voice made me flinch on my spot. I could see that confusion on his face so I quickly masked up my emotions, like I had always done. “Nn… no, I'm… I'm fine…”, I tried to smile but my voice was still really low.

“So you always fumbled with your words while talking?”, he asked again, this time with a hint of curiosity. But I shook my head again, denying his assumption. He looked unsure and raised his brows at me in a questioning manner that got me scared of his reaction.

“I… I am just… nerv… nervous… I know not… nothing ab… about you… and those ladies… they… everyone was… was saying it's… it's our nup… nuptial night… so I… you… we… we have to… but I… I don't… I am not… I'm not ready… I…”, I didn't even realize when I had started to silently shed tears.

Avyansh looked startled as he came over and sat across from me. But I was as surprised as he was, I wasn't supposed to cry before him. I never cried in front of any stranger ever in my life but… but something made the thought of offending him really scary for me. Not just because of Dr Shekhawat's threat, but… but something else that I couldn't point out.

“Arushi… Arushi, listen, please stop crying, there's absolutely no reason to cry. I won't do anything without your consent, I know my boundaries and I'll never cross them. Please calm down…”, he implored, still maintaining a decent distance between us.

His words matched with his actions, he stayed within his limits even when he was comforting me. But I still couldn't stop crying, maybe it was the weight of this whole wedding thing that finally came crashing down onto me. I wasn't planning to get married, and I wasn't planning to get forced into a marriage for sure. Maybe it was the defeated pain that my own opinion about my own marriage was shut down so brutally.

“Arushi look at me!”, he sternly said and it did no good at all, instead it made me even more scared. But he was always so gentle with me that the stern tone automatically made me follow. So I gathered some courage and looked up at him.

Our eyes met and his eyes immediately softened a little. He lifted his hands towards my face and I was ready to flinch back when he stopped mid-air. “May I?”, he softly asked, gesturing towards my tear-strained face.

My eyes travelled back and forth between his eyes and his hands but I eventually blinked as he posed no harm to me. There was a look of relief on his face as he softly wiped off my tears. His actions were so soft like I'd break if he put a little extra pressure.

Avyansh kept looking at me in a way that created a small space between my fears and his assurance. “Don't cry please… those ladies literally have nothing else to do so they took it upon themselves that every time they'll see a bride, they'll have to say all that nonsense. Please don't take them seriously and please don't waste your precious tears over their stupid talks. I know it's hard to trust when you know nothing about me but I assure you that I will never force you for anything in this relationship”

I had gradually started calming down but his last sentence hit me. He won't force me! I didn't mean it that way. Maybe I had thought like that before he entered the room but after talking to him, I couldn't think of him like that. I wouldn't think of him like that.

“I… I didn't mean it that… that way… I wasn't… I wasn't accusing you… it wasn't… it wasn't like that… I was scared… I uttered nonsense… I swear it wasn't how it had… it had sounded… I didn't-”, I started hurriedly blabbering everything at once, until I felt another comforting touch on my face.

“Shh… sh… shh… calm down! Calm down Arushi!”, he said, wiping the tears that rolled down my cheeks and continued, “I know, I know you didn't mean it that way but it's better to be clear about things. I know the way we got married, it was quite abrupt. You don't know what kinda person I am and I totally understand your fear about that”

He took a small pause, as if thinking the right words to put his thoughts in. Until he found them, “See, Arushi, in our society, many people still think that getting married gives us men some right to force ourselves on our wives. But I strongly oppose that inhumane mindset and I would never want our relationship to start like that”

“Instead I want us, both of us, to try making things work at a smooth pace, not by any bounding but by our own will. I don't believe in claiming body without claiming souls. Before claiming you physically, I want to know your soul. I want you to know my soul, let's try to do that? Can we?”

I was just staring into his eyes, the eyes that were holding a ray of hope. He had been nothing but secure and comforting since the first time we had met for this alliance and that same comfort made me say yes to his proposal. “Yes, I'd like to try that”

Avyansh looked like someone had given him a bucket of water in the middle of a desert. “Let's try this then”, he reconfirmed, voice practically beaming with the same relief he was feeling. He sat back beside me and made me have some water from his hand then wiped the remaining tears from my face.

“I get it, it isn't easy to leave a whole household where you were born and have been brought up and it'll take you time to get comfortable here. And I'm okay with it, take your time, as much as you want since we have a lifetime to know and understand each other now”, he assured and I finally let out a small smile.

But after facing every situation with a negative outcome, that small smile felt like a breath of fresh air. And I was grateful for it more than I could possibly put in words. “Thank you… so much for understanding and giving me time. And I am really very sorry about how I had sounded that time”

I was genuinely feeling bad for taking him as someone who would think of forcing himself onto his wife. I know I misjudged him real quick but somewhere in my heart, I had a feeling that he won't be like that. He radiates a sense of security and people like him can't make anyone uncomfortable. It was just my own fears and dilemma that had clouded my mind for a while.

But to my surprise, he just smiled away my apology, “No need to apologize, you have all your rights to voice out your fear and doubts. And honestly I like it this way, talking things out is much better than keeping it to yourself and dying in silence. But from the next time, just try saying it without wasting gallons of tears”

“Your tears are too precious to be wasted on such minor issues”, the softness in his eyes melted my heart and made me feel overwhelmed at the same time. I was getting all this sudden care and understanding from him that I don't know how to handle it properly.

We both sat in silence for a while, no one saying anything but it wasn't, in any way, uncomfortable either. But then Avyansh broke the silence again, “By the way, I think I have a solution for your problem”, he said with a look of dawning realization that made me confused, “What? I didn't get it”

“I mean we are married now and it's a lifetime thing so let's start fresh?”, he suggested and I was still confused about what he was saying but a little intrigued as well. “How?”, I asked, hoping to find a middle way that'd make things less uncomfortable I guess.

“Let's start from the beginning. To get comfortable with each other, we need to know each other better and the perfect start for that is ‘Friendship’. So let's pretend we ain't married and we're just strangers which is almost true. We know nothing about each other except our name and profession. So let's forget that as well and start from the absolute start, what say?”, he explained his idea and to be honest, it sounded pretty workable for us.

I nodded with a huge hopeful grin that earned me a smile from him. Then he took the lead and forwarded his hand to me. “Hi, I'm Avyansh Malhotra”, he said with a warm smile and my hand automatically stretched to the introduction, “Hi, I'm Arushi Shekh-”

My words stopped midways realizing it wasn't my identity anymore. I wasn't just the daughter but also a daughter-in-law now. My throat turned heavy and eyes moist as I tried to introduce myself with my new identity, “I mean I… I'm Arushi Mal… Arushi Malhotra”

“Or maybe you can be Arushi Shekhawat Malhotra”, Avyansh suggested and I looked at him amused. But he gave me an assuring smile and added, “Don't stare at me like that. It's not necessary to leave behind your old identity to embrace a new one. You can be Arushi Shekhawat as well as Arushi Malhotra which means you can be Arushi Shekhawat Malhotra”

My smile that had dimmed earlier lit up again, maybe brighter than before this time. “Hi, I'm Arushi Shekhawat Malhotra”, I shook hands with him while having a smile that made him smile as well. “Nice to meet you Arushi. I'm a Commando in the Special Forces of the Indian Army”

“I'm a Cardiologist”, I said, trying to mirror his smile. He raised his brow with a playful mischief, “Dil Ki Doctor?”

“Dil Ki Doctor”, I agreed, reciprocating equally. “Talking about fresh starts, Mom had told me you really love ice-cream”, I gave a slow nod as its acknowledgement but my mind went back to a bitter memory related to ice-cream.

I was just 10 years old when I had asked Dr Shekhawat to buy me an ice cream. He unwillingly bought me one but being like any 10 year old, clumsy and still a little playful, I mistakenly dropped it. Dr Shekhawat was furious at it and before I could've processed the sadness of losing my ice cream, a slap landed on my face, making me burst into silent tears.

After that incident, I had almost stopped having ice-cream except whenever my best friend Sid used to sneak ice-cream in for me at school. He was the only reason I still had my love for ice-cream alive unlike my other favourites that were lost in some or other way because of Dr Shekhawat.

Suddenly my trance broke with Avyansh's voice and looking up, I found him standing with two Cornettos. He looked unsure, maybe a little hesitant as well, as he passed me one of the ice-creams, “Umm… I'm not quite sure about the flavour you might like but chocolate is universal favourite so I thought maybe you might like it as well”

“It's my favourite as well”, I said, taking the ice-cream with a smile. I like it but more than the ice-cream, I was overwhelmed by the idea that he thought to bring me something to comfort me. He left a relieved sigh and sat beside me. “Thank God you liked it. You can tell me if you have any other favourite flavours, I'll bring it for the next time”

“I like all ice-cream flavours in general, except the strawberry ones, I'm allergic to strawberries so can't have that. Rest everything goes fine with me”, I expressed and he was looking like he just took a mental note of everything I've said. “Note taken”

His expressions were kinda cute which made me leave out a small chuckle. My first real chuckle before him from the day we met. “Is there anything funny?”, he asked, looking happily surprised. But I hurriedly composed myself, denying his guess. “No, sorry… I just remembered something”

“By the way, how did you get the ice-cream at this hour of the night?”, I tried to change the topic which kinda worked honestly. He got distracted and focused on answering my question instead, “Actually, I like ice-cream as well but whenever we get them at home that idiot, I mean Fahad, my best friend, ends up eating up my share as well. So because of him, I have a small fridge in my room to keep some chocolate and ice-cream hidden”

He showed me a mini fridge which is hidden inside a storage cabinet in the room, “Even though it's hidden, I've to share the rest of my life with you so I guess I can share this secret with you as well. I hope it's safe though and you're not going to change your team against me”

I immediately shook my head, disapproving the whole idea of going against him for any whatsoever reason. That idea itself sounds so absurd to me that I raised my hands to show my denial. “I'll never go against you, for any reason, so it's safe with me, don't worry”

“Better”, he looked satisfied, happy rather at my answer but I didn't think much of it. “Come on, eat now or it'll get melted and won't taste good”, he added with a playful smile, making me smile as well. I nodded and we both started enjoying our ice-cream.

“This last part of the Cornetto is just like heaven on earth”, I looked at Avyansh listening to this and he was relishing the last chocolatey part of the cone which indeed feels too good, always, “Right, this is the best part and my favourite as well”

“It might be a universal favourite actually”, he pointed and I nodded in agreement. We both finished our ice-creams and it was too late by then so Avyansh suggested that we should maybe sleep now, “It's quite late and we're tired as well. So let's sleep now?”

“I'll take the couch, you can be comfortable on the bed”, he added once I had agreed to get some sleep. He was about to move to the closet, maybe to get extra sheets or something but I stopped him. “Avyansh…”, I hesitantly called, calling him by his name for the first time.

He turned to me but just stared at me for a full minute and it made me so nervous that I started fidgeting with the corner of my dupatta. But then he composed himself and gestured to me to continue. But I was too nervous to continue, what if he thinks of me as some despo?

Like I wasn't ready for a physical relationship but I'm ready to share a bed with him? I know these two are two really far apart different things but how do you even say that? And I don't wanna ruin the little bit of progress we had made.

“Everything okay? You wanna say something? Or do you need anything?”, he asked, calm and comforting as ever which actually worked on me. I stopped fidgeting with my dupatta and straightened myself, “No… uhh- I was actually saying that you… you don't need to sleep on the couch, we… we can share the bed”

He stared at me for another moment and his gaze suddenly made me all shy. But just when I was seeing some hope, he denied the offer. “I'll be fine on the couch, Arushi. You really don't need to worry”, he politely assured, ready to move again.

“You just said a while ago that we have to share our whole lives now so sharing a bed shouldn't be a problem”, I blurted out, a little unsure myself but I wouldn't kick him off his own bed. Avyansh still didn't look much convinced though, “But you-”

“I trust you, I know you won't do anything to make me uncomfortable. So sleep on the bed, I have no problem with it”, I finally said what I actually felt. I trusted him, I don't know why or how but I just… did. So I didn't lie. He took another moment to think before nodding at me.

I left the breath that I didn't even know I was holding but it felt good, relieved. We both walked towards the bed but then I stopped again. “All okay?”, Avyansh asked, stopping beside me. “Umm… which side would you prefer?”

“Uhh… you can take whichever side you're comfortable with, I'm okay with either side”, he replied, making me even more confused. We both were staring at the bed until he interrupted, “Umm… I guess I can go with the left side, will you be okay with the right side?”

I nodded with a relieved sigh that we didn't have to spend the night pondering over this simple thing. He walked to the left side and I went to the right one, laying on our assigned sides. Avyansh wished me good night which I replied with the same but none of us could say anything after that.

We both laid on our sides, parallel to each other which was awkward initially. But I was so tired by that time, that I was instantly out like a light.